Twiddling My Thumbs

I totally had the opportunity to sleep in this morning, and of course I woke up stupid early and couldn't go back to sleep. I had a really good sleep though - I woke up feeling rested at least, and that was surprising. I'm feeling pretty anxious about this procedure this morning, and while i was able to keep the doubt wolves at bay all week, they are now nibbling at my toes and looking at me with a hungry thirst.

I feel pretty comfortably that this is the right course of action, but I do wonder if I am putting my future pregnancies at risk. It reinforced my certainty that I want children, that's for sure. I feel like I'm afraid for my unborns right now, and that's a weird, newly maternal feeling for me. I truly hope this surgery doesn't compromise that.

And oh yeah, it's gonna hurt. Which totally sucks.

I'm also thinking about my dad, who oddly enough goes into surgery today as well - his is more involved, but hopefully it will stay orthoscopic and they won't have to open him up. My mom and dad called me last night just to check in - mom is feeling pretty helpless with me being so far away, and I can honestly say that I am pretty sad right now that she's not here with me. So we had a little prayer over the phone last night, which was a little odd in theory, but didn't lessen the feelings of comfort and positive spirit that I felt from so far over the ocean.

I've also already gotten several text messages from well-wishers, which is so sweet. Tilla gets props for sending the first one at 4:56am. I think people forget sometimes that I am two hours earlier..... but I wouldn't trade those messages for anything.

I think I'll go shower and at least start getting ready to go, just to have something to do. Not too long now, and I'll be under the Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure. Lovely.