Trying to Recover

It's been a bit of a roller coaster this past weekend and through today so far. Lots of ups and downs, and I'm not "handling it very well", as my good friend Rachel Green would say.

Starting with Saturday, I woke up to a very grumpy Bradley, who was not at all pleased to be waking up early. More and more lately he has been inconsolably grumpy in the mornings, and it was starting to take it's toll on me. I get so upset when he is grumpy, and I'm trying hard not to take it personally, but it really does affect my mood and my ability to interact with him. Then I get mad - I just get so frustrated when my questions and offers to help are greeted with gruff one word answers. So Saturday I had no patience for his grumpiness, and kind of snapped at him. I was very happy to head out and meet up with Carrie for an adventure.

We had an AMAZING trip up to Kapalua Adventures to do the zip line. It was such an awesome experience, and I'm glad that I got to do that with Carrie (for really cheap!). We had a blast hanging out together as we usually do. Plus it was just so nice to get out of town, change of scenery. We started with breakfast in the Cafe there, and that was superb! Then we got geared up and headed up the mountain to the zip line course. It was totally exhilerating and magical, in some places soaring 300ft above bamboo forests. It made me feel like I might be more able to skydive. Maybe. After the zip line tour, we headed to Lahaina for lunch at Mala Ocean Tavern. That was lovely! I wished that I could have just kept hanging out with Carrie all day, we were having such a great time together.

Instead I went up to Bradley's and hung out with him for a little bit at his house before heading home to meet up with Justin. He was at my house building me a bed frame!! I couldn't believe the time and care he had put into it - I had told him I needed to comission one earlier last week, and here he was almost completely done with a beautifully simple cedar and mahogany frame. It was amazing, and so well made. So he finished that up by evening time, Carrie came over, and the four of us had a nice dinner, and chatted the evening away.

Bradley and I had plans the next morning to pick up a steamer and take care of the couches, chair, and his car. We also planned to varnish the bed frame - a lot on the list! Unfortunately the day started out badly, and just got worse....I woke up early because the steamers are on a first come first serve basis. Bradley was having a little trouble waking up and I offered to go by myself. Instead, he rolled out of bed, and gave me the whopper of all grumpiness. Not much was going out way that morning, so it just kept getting worse with him being short with me.....I actually got mad at him and yelled at him a little. Well, not really yelled....but asked him why he was being such a jerk, and told him it sure wasn't fair that he was taking out his grumpies on me. He had also forgotten it was Mother's Day, so that threw a wrench in our plans - after we picked up the steamer, he headed up to his house to get his mom flowers and take her out to breakfast. Since we were in a little tiff, he took his sweet time actually coming back to the house, and by the time he did, I had already steamed the couch, the chair, and done the first coat of varnish on the bed frame. I was exhausted, and disappointed that he wasn't there to help.

So after the work was done, we decided to head over the Carrie and Justin's to swim in their awesome pool, but we had a few errands to run first. Well, none of those went well, and in the meantime the back window of the 4runner got stuck in the down position and wouldn't go back up. Bradley was extremely frustrated, and both his and my moods continued to tank. After a lot of car juggling, we finally parked the 4runner in my garage so it would be safe, and decided to still head over to Carrie and Justin's - 3 hours late. We ended up having an awesome time over there, swimming and sitting in the hot tub. Then we got Jack in the Box, set up the bed frame, and crashed watching a movie. It was a nice end to a really horrible day.

I thought things would be a bit better Monday, but they weren't. Same grumpy Bradley in the morning, then he was fine a little later, and then grumpy again at night. I had two massages scheduled for that evening after work, and wasn't done until almost 9pm, so I was exhausted and just couldn't keep up with his moods.

I was still reeling yesterday morning from his mood swings, and was really preoccupied with it, but trying to avoid a conversation about it so I could just make it to work. So while I was drying my hair, he was laying on the bed waiting for me, and he says oh so sarcastically, "what's wrong with you this morning?".....I wheeled on him, gave him my most "oh no you DIDN'T" look, and let him know just how I was feeling. Ultimately, he admitted that his behavior was off because he has been so busy and so much had gone wrong in the past week - I told him how much his grumpiness and shortness with me affects my mood and how much it upsets me...I let him know that I should be the person he comes to for help, not takes out his frustrations on....and he just sat there like a scolded child. "I don't know what to say". I asked him if there was anything he needed from me, if there was anything I could do to help, and he said no. Honestly the conversation itself made me feel so helpless.

Here's the reality - I know that I own some of the issues we had over the weekend. I'm naturally a happy person, and I'm also a very selfish being. So when Bradley is gruff with me, my first reaction is to ask what's wrong, offer help, but if he rebuffs me, or is short with me in any way, I shut down. I stop being compassionate, and I get indignant and self-righteous immediately. I have no patience with grumpiness. And once I'm 'offended', I'm very stubborn about pulling out of that mood. I really don't know how to stop this knee-jerk reaction, but I do need to work on it. Truly and honestly, the reason behind his attitude is because he's struggling, he's overwhelmed.....and he doesn't have the same coping mechanisms I do. SO, my conclusion is that we both have something to work on....he sure as shit shouldn't dump his frustrations on me in that way, he needs to learn how to ask for help. I need to approach the situation with more compassion and patience.

This doesn't happen very often, so I know it's not a make or break. And because it doesn't happen very often, it will probably take us a long time before we can handle times of trial with ease together. I need to be patient. He's worth it.

Yesterday he called me in the evening to apologize. He said he was sorry, and that he didn't want to make me feel the way he has been. It's amazing how far an apology can go. He did, however, sleep at his house last night - our first night apart in months. It was a bit of a relief in a strange way. I was initially a little hurt that he would decide to spend a night away, but quickly realized it was kind of silly. We spend every night together, and we have been up in each other's business, it's good to take a breather now and again, actually remember what makes us whole as individuals and together. I went to the gym, watched a movie he wouldn't like, took a bath, organized some files, and gave myself a pedicure. Things I should be doing even when he's around, but I get so dazzled by being with him that I forget....

I always have a need to "process" these issues....I feel so much better after having written all this down. It's amazing the power we have in ourselves to resolve our own emotional turmoil, to gain perspective.

It's De-Lightful, It's De-Liscious, It's De-Kidney

So I saw the doctor on Monday - I have a kidney infection (which, unbeknownst to me, is just another form of a UTI, who knew?).

I've never had one before, and now I'm mentioning this to a few people, turns out they happen all the time, and almost everyone I know has had one. I guess I've been lucky the last 31 years. Unfortunately, since I didn't know what was going on, and I waited so long to head to doctor, it had gotten pretty advanced. On Monday when I went in, my right kidney was screaming at me. The doctor gave me the antibiotic, and some pain pills, and told me to go get some cranberry concentrate. She thought the pain should be gone within a day. It hasn't - and it basically just gets worse as the day goes on. Today I'm going home relatively early to put my feet up and see if that helps it any. If it isn't better by tomorrow, I'm going back to the doc.

At least now I know the signs of this ridiculous malady, and I hopefully won't ever have to go through this again.

I still haven't taken "after" pictures of the house - there is so much to do, and I haven't worked on it at all in the last few days. Patience my friends.....I WILL put them up......

Really? I mean, really?

I'm going to the doctor today. For some unknown reason, I have the uncontrollable urge to urinate all the time. Starting last Tuesday, i just all of the sudden have to pee at least once an hour, and the urge is now almost always there, tickling my nether regions. This has come hand in hand with a mild pain in my back (well, one night it was not so mild. It woke me and kept me up for about an hour). Symptoms point to kidney stones or a kidney infection. I am not pleased....I was so looking forward to getting back into my normal swing of life this week. I'm mostly moved in, with a few remaining projects around the new house, and my whole being just needed a sigh of relief this week. Oh-ho-ho, not so!

In other news, this potential ailment (whatever the eff it turns out to be) has refocused my need to eat healthier. Oh, that, and the fact that my fat slacks are too tight to wear to work. Eeeks! Anyway, I told myself that once I got the habit of the gym down, then I would move onto food. So here I am, moving onto food. Time to fix that. No more Chocolate Peanut Butter Ice Cream in the freezer, Bradley, sorry hon. It's on to fat free fruit bars for dessert. Hoping to shed a few unnecessary pounds before Nicool's wedding, where I will be making a complete fool of myself to Beyonce's anthem.

I don't know why I've let them go, but my fingernails are totally long. I didn't do Jace's massage last week because I was moving, and they have just gotten longer and longer. They look really nice, but they're annoying the hell out of me. Once you get used to keeping your fingernails short....ew, they get dirt under them so easily.

I need to put up some pictures of the new house here, but it takes a while to upload photos onto this blogger, and I have a lot. I need to figure out a way to link up to another picture program, but the thought of creating another account online just makes me want to poke out my own eyeballs right now.

Ug...please don't be diabetes. Please don't be a kidney stone. I'm really sick of the health dramas.

Done. Now On To The Real Work.

Finally signed the lease on the new place yesterday. To say my new landlord is verbose is an understatement. This guy can't get a point across without beating it to death. Where most people would say, "I've been cleaning the place for your arrival", our good friend Alan Schroepfer says something more like:

"I've spent the last couple days really going through the house trying to make sure that the place looked great and was completely cleaned up for you. I used this wire brush here to clean the corners on the areas of the kitchen counters that were pretty stubborn - I'm going to leave that wire brush here, and you're more than welcome to use it whenever you like. I used a cleaning agent...where is it..?...oh yeah, here it is...um Soft Scrub. That's what I was using, and it really seemed to do the job. I'm going to leave this here for you as well, just in case you ever need it in the future."

I know I can be wordy sometimes, but really Alan? Really?

He's a really nice guy though, and that combined with the glorious fact that he lives on the mainland and won't be here to lay out anymore good-natured diatribes on how to turn the sprinklers so the water actually hits the plants.......I think this will work out great.

I've now made an already huge list of crap that I need to buy at Home Depot, Ross, Costco, and K-Mart. It's gonna be a long weekend of spending money on stuff I don't want to. And some that I do....I'm excited to buy bathroom linens. New towels make me horny. So do new pillows, but I don't think I can make an excuse for that one, since I already have 7 pillows on my bed. OH, but I'll have to buy pillows for the COUCH. YEAH!

Keyring Explosion

We picked up the car yesterday, wahoo! Technically this is Bradley's baby - when I realized our friend Jake was selling his 1990 4Runner at a spectacular price, Bman and I fought a little over who would get to buy it, and he won. While I have always wanted an old-school 4Runner....I had to concede Bradley would probably get more use out of it with his fishing and diving gear, and he's the one who knows how to fix it. I helped a little with the initial purchase, so right now I own a little bit of it, but technically, it's Bradley's. :) The sweet thing is....he refers to it as our car, he has always said it will be a great car for "us", and as soon as he got the keys, he handed me the spare. Which followed the recent acquisition of the spare key to his primary vehicle as well, the Honda. SO, I now have spare keys to both Bradley's cars - that's the big time for this sentimental gal.

We did a little car shuffle yesterday so he could pick up the 4Runner (we still need to name it), and I picked up his Honda** to meet him at his house, and we gave it a good wash, and did a little detailing and assessing of all the things he wants to do to it. There is a good amount of rust that will need to be fixed, some engine adjustments, chrome polish the rims, paint job, maybe new seats, new radio, etc., etc. He's jazzed on the projects - we did a couple very small things to the car last night, and I had a great time working with him. He's an awesome teacher, and he knows I'm not a helpless chick, so I get down and dirty with him. Fun!

Here's the new ride:

And here's my new GIANT keyring (that i love):

This is number one in a series of big events coming up. Next is signing the lease tonight on the new house, then buying all the crap I need for the new house, and then moving in (in a WEEK!). Good thing we just got the 4Runner. Perfect! Hopefully then there won't be anything too huge going on until I move again in six months. *sigh*

**While picking up dinner, I managed to leave both our sodas on the roof of the car and drive off. When a kind motorist in the parking lot honked and waved me down from his car, I assumed he knew me, and I hit the brakes a little too hard. Oh yeah....two cups of root beer and ice, flowing right down the winshield on the driver's side, down the open driver's side window, and into the car - all over the dash, in the vents, down the window jamb, on me......Murphy couldn't have planned it better. I could not stop myself from laughing hysterically - along with the 15 or 20 other gawkers. Granted, it's been a long time since I've been driving a car, but talk about rookie maneuver.

Birthday Fun

My birthday was a week ago last Friday (the 10th), and it started out a little rough - was a hard day at work - but ended sweetly. I got home, had to give a massage, and then Bradley was coming over. He showed up with a big homemade chocolate cake with peanut butter chips. Mmmm....he also got me some jewelry he found at an antique shop - a bracelet and ring made out of antique silverware handles. I loved it!

The next day was a day of fun with friends!

YOGA!

I have never tried yoga before, but I know lots of people who love it, and those people are radiating with life and energy, so I've always wanted to give it a try. Summer is a massage therapist and yogi, and a good friend of Jason's, so I called her up to schedule a yoga class in our backyard. It was awesome - myself, Kat, Nicool, Jace, and Sara (Jace's new sweetie who owns Wokstar), all did a beginner Ashtanga yoga class in the early morning sun, with the breeze floating through the palms, and the sound of the ocean in the background. It was unforgettable.

And it was followed up with mimosas! Yum!

PEDICURES!

Then myself, Carrie, and Nicool adjourned to David's Happy Nails for some foot rubbin. We enjoyed a nice pedicure there - the girls got french pedis, and I got orange with red polka dots. Perfect!

MOVIE!

Then Carrie took me to town to see a movie - my favorite thing to do! We went to see Monsters vs Aliens, in 3D. It was such a trip. I really enjoyed the movie - it was too cool for school. Plus, all the earth sequences were set in Modesto, CA., where I was BORN. What a serendipitous reference for my BIRTHDAY. :)

DINNER!

We headed home, and I jumped in the shower to get ready for a dinner at Mala. It was so nice - Jason, Candace, Carrie, Jace, Rachel, Nicool, and Bradley all came for a delicious dinner.

GOING OUT!

I was completely exhausted by the time we actually headed out to Mulligan's, and then on to Tip Ups, but I tried to man up, and make it through. Mulligan's was okay, we only stayed for one drink. Ryan's band was playing at Tip Ups, and that was way more fun for me - I love their music. Got to enjoy a few songs and a drink there, and then it was time to put this baby to bed!

GREAT BIRTHDAY!

Movin Out

Trying to play catch-up! Lots of things to update, the first one being that I'll be moving very shortly - hopefully this weekend!

I decided a couple months ago that I needed to move out of my glorious abode on Halama street. Several reasons:

1) I don't really feel at home in that home. Kat acts as a landlord of sorts (she is the only one on the lease), and so she has established the place as her home. She frequently talks about how she wants the place to be comfortable and homey, and a great place for people to hang out, but then she won't allow even the smallest of personal touches in the living areas. This includes computers, TV's pictures...pretty much anything. So all of those things are packed into our respective rooms. Since there is a cat in the house, I have to have my door shut to keep her out......so......I basically come home, shut my door, and hang out in a 10 x 12 box all night. For some people that may sound like paradise, but not for me. I don't want to live in a sterile environment anymore - I want a home filled with color, activity, and openness.

2) There are also a lot (and i mean, a lot) of bugs, rodents, and other animals all over the house because she won't let us spray (too toxic for her). They really gross me out.

3) There are a LOT of homes on the market right now, and a lot of them are offering some seriously sweet move-in deals and discounts.

I love the location of the home so much, and I spend a lot of time in the AMAZING backyard, and I will definitely miss that dearly. But I have to keep reminding myself that I am only seconds from beautiful beaches no matter where I end up living. I just hope that 1724 Halama hasn't totally spoiled me.

Anyhoo...it turned out that Ryan Robinson (of the Ryan Robinson Band, whom I sing with occasionally), was looking for a place at the same time, and we started to check out housing together. We found a great 3 bedroom/2 bath house in south Kihei off Keonekai (which is by Kamaole III), and we are hopefully signing the lease tonight!! It has taken a little longer than I had hoped to get this far with the landlord, but I'm crossing my fingers that we're on the home stretch, and that we can start moving stuff in this weekend. If everything goes through, then I will take some pictures and share with you all soon.

In the meantime I started packing over the weekend - I don't have that much stuff, which is great for moving. However this place is totally unfurnished, so I'm gonna have to spend a little dough to get it all set up.

I'm totally thrilled to be moving with Ryan though - our house will be filled with music, and I am so completely jazzed about that!!!!!!!!!

More on this subject later.....