Carrying Over.

My heart is still hurting today for some reason. I suppose it might be because I didn't really get to grieve much yesterday - spent a lot of time trying NOT to cry, and never really got the sad out of me. I'm not averse to showing emotion - I embrace my feelings, and I know that if my emotional and spiritual body needs to cry, then my physical body does as well.

However.

I still have work to do - and I was holding it all back during the day yesterday. Then I had a massage client (yay!), so I couldn't spend time crying when I got home. Then Bradley's family invited me up for dinner (yay!), so I sure couldn't spend time crying there. By the time I got home, I was feeling a little....numb. I got some good cuddles and scalp massage from my man, which was very comforting, but I think by that time I was just too tired to think about it too much.

Which may explain why I woke up totally grumpy this morning. I immediately directed that grumpiness at the nearest target (lo siento baby), who then responded without ego or defensiveness and asked me if I needed a hug. That made a little progress on melting my frosty heart this morning, and then with a few well-placed text messages after I arrived at work he managed to 1.) make me cry over the gratitude for the love we share with a simple "I luv you, and I hope your day gets better" and then 2.) made me laugh out loud with a reference to something goofy his nephew did.

It's really incredible to me to think that already he can pull me out of a funk in ways that only a best friend can. He is a precious man, and today he is my hero.

So...instead of feeling safely grumpy, here I am a big pile of mushy emotion again. Sneaking little tears here and there, and choking them back when the phone rings and it's time to be a grown-up. I'm going to do my best to get through the day without bawling, and then I'm reserving the hour after I get home to sit down at my desk and go through all the wonderful notes on Facebook, the text messages, and the emails from those I love and who love Tyler, and I'm going to laugh myself stupid and cry myself silly over all the wonderful anecdotes.

Tyler is alive and well in my heart, where I keep my happiest of memories of him. And that's amazing.