Saturday was Whale Day on Maui! Kihei celebrated with a parade and a festival with music, food and vendors. It was too fun - my friend Jake has this horribly awesome chopped limo that everyone on the island knows. This thing carts around to all the special events on the island - you get special treatment wherever you go in that beast. It has also become the official vehicle of the Maui Roller Girls, the local roller derby team. Jace and Jason decked the limo out this year with a whale tail, fins, and headlight eyes. Too fun!
As a complete bonus, yesterday the whales were going absolutely nuts in my backyard ocean. I saw a mamma and baby whale come closer than I have ever seen them, and they spent 20 minutes frolicking right in front of us. The little baby whale kept breaching and flapping his fins on the water. It was so amazing!!!
Me with a whale day goat. So flipping cute - and SOFT. I'm getting a goat.
But I was flipping freezing here this morning, and it has been really chilly at night the last couple weeks. I know, chilly for me doesn't hold a candle to chilly in New York or Chicago or even the 30 degree Bay Area nights that some of you have been having, but when you're used to it being 70 degrees on the way to work, and all of the sudden it's 55-60, you feel it. Plus, I'm a big old weinie these days. The cold is seriously unbearable, and I just can't deal with it anymore. I'm officially acclamated to the warmth, and don't ever want to be cold again. :)
Had a really nice Valentine's Day. We just had a quiet dinner at home - cooked up a big ole' mess of crab legs, a couple steaks, and enjoyed that with some guava mimosas. In my house, my mommy always bought us some kind of small present wrapped with love and a bunch of unnecessary candy. Totally awesome. So I of course followed that tradition and bought the Bman a little present, and threw in some of his favorite treats. I didn't mention this to him at all, and he doesn't come from a family with a whole lot of traditions like that, and in hindsight I should have said something because he felt REALLY badly that he didn't get me anything. Which doesn't bother me in the slightest - he's more of the type that brings home little presents whenever he's thinking of me, and those are so special. Honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed with this relationship - I get so overcome with emotion so often when I'm with him. Little moments, little things that fill me with love. Every now and then the old Whitney's brain will make some kind of observation about how he looks or seems from the outside. If you've seen pictures of my caveman, you'll know what I mean. :) I so distinctly remember in the past not dating someone because they didn't fit a particular image or style. Along with a whole bunch of other things I've learned about myself in the past few years - one of the biggest is that style and image don't define me. Or anyone else. Sure, they're a part of who I am, but I've shed a lot of the pomp and circumstance of my style. I still feel like the funky fresh Whitney that I am, regardless of what I'm wearing or doing with my hair. And, well....no one can hold a candle to how my caveman makes me feel. He honestly makes me forget about accessorizing my personality with things. It's a lovely, simpler feeling. Which I think is also perpetuated by the island life - just about everything is more simple and stripped down here (literally and figuratively). (Just a small side note here....however I am simplifying my life, I still cannot - CANNOT - shed myself of my Red Monkey watches. They are a constant that has never waivered since my first glorious purchase, and many subsequent purchases and gifts received) (I love them) (So you're not getting my collection just yet Megan). Anyway, enough of the super mushy talk. On a milder mushy talk note - I do believe that this weekend, Bradley alluded to a future of moving in together. It wasn't so much a direct reference, as a mild insinuation that he was planning for it. He's in the process of building a studio apartment, and while showing me around he indicated that one area would probably be built out for more closet space, because there would need to be plenty of room for a girl's shoes - after which he kind giggled and stumbled around. We didn't have "the conversation", but shared a meaningful look full of intent, and a small exchange about how he should have his studio as a bachelor pad for a while first. But he's planning, and back to my original statement of this being a rather overwhelming relationship....we're coming up on 10 months, and already having that little convo. (which I've never had with a bf before. ever.) I've never been so comfortable and well, I guess.....ready. It's a wonderful feeling.
My heart is still hurting today for some reason. I suppose it might be because I didn't really get to grieve much yesterday - spent a lot of time trying NOT to cry, and never really got the sad out of me. I'm not averse to showing emotion - I embrace my feelings, and I know that if my emotional and spiritual body needs to cry, then my physical body does as well. However. I still have work to do - and I was holding it all back during the day yesterday. Then I had a massage client (yay!), so I couldn't spend time crying when I got home. Then Bradley's family invited me up for dinner (yay!), so I sure couldn't spend time crying there. By the time I got home, I was feeling a little....numb. I got some good cuddles and scalp massage from my man, which was very comforting, but I think by that time I was just too tired to think about it too much. Which may explain why I woke up totally grumpy this morning. I immediately directed that grumpiness at the nearest target (lo siento baby), who then responded without ego or defensiveness and asked me if I needed a hug. That made a little progress on melting my frosty heart this morning, and then with a few well-placed text messages after I arrived at work he managed to 1.) make me cry over the gratitude for the love we share with a simple "I luv you, and I hope your day gets better" and then 2.) made me laugh out loud with a reference to something goofy his nephew did. It's really incredible to me to think that already he can pull me out of a funk in ways that only a best friend can. He is a precious man, and today he is my hero. So...instead of feeling safely grumpy, here I am a big pile of mushy emotion again. Sneaking little tears here and there, and choking them back when the phone rings and it's time to be a grown-up. I'm going to do my best to get through the day without bawling, and then I'm reserving the hour after I get home to sit down at my desk and go through all the wonderful notes on Facebook, the text messages, and the emails from those I love and who love Tyler, and I'm going to laugh myself stupid and cry myself silly over all the wonderful anecdotes. Tyler is alive and well in my heart, where I keep my happiest of memories of him. And that's amazing.
Today is a great day because Andrew is 10 years ols today! Today is a sucky date because it happens to be the date that Tyler passed away. I seriously thought I was going to be able to skate by this one without it being too painful. Thinking about it last night was saddening, but not in a rip-your-heart-out-from-the-loss kind of way. Technology is a beautiful thing, and has connected me to my family and friends in ways that have made this transition of living far away so much easier. Today, technology is a double edged sword. It's wonderful that so many people are able to share their thoughts about my dear brother, and it's inspiring that so many have been affected by his life, even after 8 long years of being without him. But it's also bringing all those feelings of loss right to the surface, and I'm just barely teetering on the edge of breaking down here at work. I'm grateful to have so many friends and family sending their love and support right now. But I'm officially logging off all community networks. I need to get some work done, and it's already been a long day.
But I'll start the floodgates by saying that I had a wonderful trip to the mainland visiting family and friends, and I was equally excited to come home. I love this island, and I am happy here. I missed Maui a lot. And I missed Bradley a lot. The reunion was oh so sweet. Can't beat that. And then, on my way to work this morning, I got hit in the face by a bee. And that little f*cker stung me. In the face. Under my left eye. While I was riding on my scooter at 35 mph. Luckily I maintained control of the scooter, while my eye watered and my face began to swell, I pulled into a gas station. Bradley was behind me in his car, and was able to give me sufficient assurance that I had indeed been stung, and that it looked terrible. He also happened to have some Ssssting Stop insect gel in his car - a homeopathic remedy for stings that helped with the pain tremendously. Thanks baby. I spent the next few hours with a very sore and throbbing face, but luckily by midday the swelling reduced and the left side of my face was only vaguely numb. I haven't been stung by a bee since I was 10 years old or so...it's nice to know that I'm not allergic to them. I now have an aggressive hatred for the buzzing bee and will no longer run from them, but do everything in my power to annihilate them from the face of this earth. I don't care if we're in a tragic bee shortage, California.
