Try, Try Again

Lots of reasons (excuses), but I've put weight back on. After a series of events over the past several months (not sleeping well, lack of flexibility, problems with my lady bits, general feeling of unhealthiness), I decided it's time to get healthy (again).

I have some body issues (duh). I know that I've always been that way, but I've always done pretty well at burying it deep down, and not letting it totally rule my life. But sometimes it rears it's ugly head. Especially right now, at my heaviest weight ever, and in a place where you can't hide it under sweats and fleece without fear of heat stroke. I've been feeling pretty down about it.

I made some good efforts a couple months ago - did trial memberships at the two different gyms here in Kihei, and made a decision on which one to join. And then I had surgery, and then I got busy, and then...and then.... (NO AND THEN).

So Wednesday, I joined the gym. And my goal is to go five days a week.

An old college friend put a picture up from when I was about 19, my junior year in college. I was so slender. I honestly don't remember ever being that slim - all I remember is always feeling like I was "the big one". I look at that girl, at that healthy beautiful body, and wonder what in the world totally effed up my perception so significantly. I remember always feeling fat.

So...on to a new approach. No food denials to start.....just changes in the way I eat. I can eat what I want, but smaller portions, more regular meals, and grocery shopping. Eating out only allowed once a week. Also....any gym time is good. No more copping out because I can't go for an hour. The gym is 3 minutes from my house - if I can put in even 15 minutes, I must. I'm hoping those two changes will help me at least sleep better, and start fitting in my clothes better. I'll keep that up for two months, and see where I am.

I shouldn't kid myself - I'm not so evolved that I'm indifferent to my actual weight. I hope to lose 15-20 pounds in that two months. But I'm not going to freak out about it. I'm trying to shift my focus to long term results. Spending the money on the gym is a big sacrifice with my tight budget, so I'm committed.

Bradley is super supportive - he usually brings dessert for us after he gets off work. This time he showed up with fruit bars - no fat, no sugar, real fruit. Good boy.

Oh, and I totally refused the frickin sweet Jack in the Box deal last night - Jumbo Jack, two Tacos, and Fries for $2.99???? That's just ri-goddamn-diculous. Jazzy was seriously pushing me to go with her last night, and I completely refused. So proud of myself.

It's a good start.