Just when you thought you were safe.....

THIS CRAWLS OUT OF THE DRAIN AS YOU STEP INTO THE SHOWER.

Man, that was effed up. Totally inappropriate at 6am.

Girly Biopsies Suck.

I tell ya, I don't remember it hurting as badly as it did this time.

For any who I haven't mentioned this to...I had another irregular exam, and had to get another biopsy of my cervix this month. The procedure was yesterday, and while I've had this done before, I honestly don't remember it being so flipping painful. I was already freaked out because the last time I had this done, I actually watched the whole thing on a monitor. It was totally interesting, and rather fascinating, and it didn't bother me at all at the time, but since then, I've had this terrible fear of going to the OB/GYN. I just can't relax, I keep replaying my cervix being ripped apart, and those already invasive exams feel even more terrible because I'm so nervous.

So my word of advice - if you ever have the opportunity to watch your medical procedure...just say no.

As some of you may know, there is no anesthesia for this biopsy, local or otherwise. They basically just stick a little metal claw in there and pinch out a piece of your cervix about the size of a pinhead. It's not fun. Thankfully, this time they only had to biopsy from three locations. Last time, it was six. Of course this time, she was having hard time stopping the bleeding, so she kept having to go back in, clean up my poor raw cervix (which made me almost vomit), and apply pressure and some clotting agent. It was about ten minutes long, but I was sweating it big time.

I was lucky enough to have Jasmine there with me - a relatively new friend, but she's been through this before as well, and she works around the corner from the hospital and offered to come hold my hand. It made me feel a little like a child, but I was glad she was there. She was cracking jokes, so I was thankfully laughing/crying through it all. And she did hold my (sweaty) hand.

Unfortunately, I've been cramping and achy since then, which I don't remember from last time either. Last night it was pretty bad, but Bradley came over, and even helped me out with some energy work to soothe it a bit. I was surprised and very grateful for his willingness. Plus he brought ice cream, and took care of whatever I needed while I just laid in bed watching 1 hour dramas. :o) Boys can be awesome sometimes.

I find out the results in a couple weeks.

No pictures for this post. :)

Hana Trip

Beautiful Wainapanapa

Wanted to post a couple pics from the latest Hana trip over the weekend. It was a great time, though we ran into a bunch of road blocks. I think we set our expectations a little too high for this one.

We left at 10:30pm on Friday night, drove out to Wainapanapa (Hana side), and hiked out on the lava cliffs to a fishing site that Bradley likes. I've been there before, but never hiked it at night. Yikes! After getting just a teeeeny bit lost, we got back on track and made it to camp to set up for the night.

Campsite

My bed

Bradley's bed

I was a little tired, so I took a breather in my bed - aka my beach chair - for a bit while Bradley got the poles set up, and fished for bait.

Bradley reeling in and checking bait @ the top pole.

This went on for a few hours until sunrise, and then I joined in and fished a bit too - caught a couple, but nothing edible, and not good bait. Really pretty fish though! The excitement came around 9am....I was getting ready to put a hook on my pole, Bradley was up top putting new tako (octopus) bait on one of the big poles, when the other big pole next to me started "screaming". That's essentially the noise you hear when something big is on the line, and is swimming for its life. The pole bell started clanging, and the line started whizzing out like crazy. Bradley yelled at me to hold the pole down before the fish pulled it over the cliff, so I managed to keep it steady until he could get over to me, and then he started to reel it in. It was REALLY exciting. Turns out that it wasn't an Ulua or an Umilu, but rather a 7 foot long tiger shark. !!!!

Luckily it wasn't totally hooked, and after some fighting, it managed to let go of the hook. Otherwise, Bradley would have had to cut the line eventually, and lost everything, "hook, line, and sinker". (Now you know where that phrase comes from).


Anyway, that got the heart pumping big time. We fished for a few more hours, and then packed up and hiked back to the car to go set up camp at Kipahulu, where everyone else was going to meet us. We planned to go night diving Saturday for lobster, but we were way too tired. We BBQ-d some dogs, and enjoyed hanging with everyone for a while, and then crashed. Unfortunately, I managed to find the one spot in my tent with a big ole root right in the middle of my back - no sleeping for me!!

Twilight at Kipahulu

Next day we packed up the tents and hiked to the pools, but they were closed due to flash flood warning. Lame! So we drove up to Himoa beach, hoping for some snorkeling, but no such luck. The water was just too rough. Bradley and I stopped a couple more places looking for good snorkeling/diving, but it was too rough and murky. So we headed back home, stopping along the way to pick guavas and avocados.

We were foiled in most of our big plans for the weekend, but it was still an awesome weekend. You can't beat the beauty of Hana.

Needless to say, we hit the hay pretty early that night...

Pictures below:

The view from camp...you don't want to fall in.

Below: Tobbies, special Ninja Turtle shoes.

Tako (octopus) that Bradley caught in Kihei.

More Tako.

It rains without warning, and you run for cover.

But it's still beautiful!

For those that worry.

Here is a picture of me with my helmet. I really do wear one.

New specs

Here they are. Picture is kinda fuzzy, it's from the phone. Anyway, they're kinda stripey fun.

Just a Quick Update

...I realize that the blog is a great way to get out there what I'm thinking on a semi-regular basis, but I also realize there are some major holes in the story line of my life. I also realize that, as per usual, my most emotional posts tend to be when I'm hurting. No apologies there, I think that tends to be the time when we reach out to each other the most - that's when we need each other. And I also know that I always feel better once I've been able to write things down - to make sense of the chaotic emotions encased in my head.

So anyway, I do want to mention that after B-man totally bailed on date night last week, he seemed to try to make it up to me over the weekend - Sunday wasn't the only night he made an effort on my behalf. He came out with me and my friends on Friday night as well, and was affectionate, engaged, and seemed more like the B-man that I care for. I'm not sure if he sensed that I am starting to pull away, or what really instigated the effort on his part, but he was the picture of a perfect boyfriend over the weekend. We then also got to spend some time together on Monday night - had a fun time peeling and cracking open a coconut (my first time!), and he has actually said that he is coming to Hana with me this weekend.

So...for now, I'm taking it for what it is, and enjoying his company. My heart has certainly withdrawn, and it would take a lot for me to feel like I could trust in this relationship for the long-term, so for now it's just a day at a time. For some odd reason (perhaps because I know that I am not going to live here forever, and don't want to raise my children here), I'm totally okay with that. I'm happy to have a companion, and I appreciate so much in him - I think we will just enjoy each other, and take what each other has to offer while the gettings good.

I truly believe we met for a reason - I've learned so much about myself already. The end of October marks six months since we met. I'm not sure I've ever been involved in such a tumultuous relationship, but I think it's building character. You know, putting hair on my chest.

Here are some pics from the coconut adventure on Monday night.

Did It Again

Heh heh heh. Had a really great weekend - lots of fun stuff going on, and this weekend will probably be the same! It started Friday, with the Erin Smith/Paula Fuga concert. That was incredible, as to be expected. We had an awesome group of people there, started with a BBQ at Todd's house, and danced the night away at Mulligan's. It was great!

Saturday was a much more mellow day - spent some time by the pool, and napping. Then a small group of us hopped in the back of Jace's truck and hit the road to town to go see the Duchess. Definitely an unexpected movie - the trailers were a little deceptive, but it was still a well done movie.

Sunday was up and at em relatively early, headed to town on my scooter for the first time. It was a smooth ride, very easy, and I made it all the way to the Harley store to buy my new helmet (see previous post)(pictures coming soon).

Headed home and chilled out for a while, and then we all trekked up to Mulligan's again for another session with the Ryan Robinson Band! It was even more fun this time....some of the people there knew who I was at this point, and they all got amped for my song - the dance floor was packed and people were screaming like crazy. It was so much fun. I hope that we can work up a couple more songs to do in the future - I have a really good time singing with them. I think Nicole got pictures on her camera - I'll see what I can find and post em up.

And Bradley actually busted up to Mulligan's after work to come see me sing, which was nice. Regardless of what's going on with us in the long-term, it was really comforting to have him there, and he was tres supportive, and actually seemed kind of proud, which was cute. Didn't get home and in bed until past 1:30am, and had to get up at 6am to come manage the restaurant, so I'm dragging a bit today, but it was worth it! I just hope they start playing some Saturday nights in the future. :o)

This weekend, I think we're going camping in Hana. yeaaaaah!

Brain Bucket, Skid Lid, The Helm

I did it, finally got myself a helmet. (whoa, I think it just heard a collective sigh of relief from the mainlaind).

It's a pretty cool little half-dome black shiny helmet. I dig it. It might change my whole perspective on what I'm going to do with my hair in the future. Helmet hair is no good, so I can't survive the "in between" phases of my hair. it's either gonna have to be long, or short....

oh the hard decisions in life.

i'll post pictures in my getup soon!

Magical

I saw my first moonbow last night, and it was gorgeous. I wish that I had had my camera with me - it was a full perfect white ring around the moon. I felt.....well, I guess hopeful is the only word that really suits. I'm not sure why....but it was definitely hopeful.

It's shaping up to be a fun weekend - going to the Erin Smith concert tonight at Mulligan's. Tomorrow going to see The Duchess with Nicole, and Sunday possibly going to dinner in Paia. I'm a little sad that I don't have any massage scheduled for this weekend, but that means that I get to spend some time by the pool or maybe even snorkeling. Also might be singing with Ryan Robinson Band on Sunday too!! Should be a good one!

Disappointed once again by the Brad-man. He didn't do anything to make sure that date night happened this week, so I haven't seen him since Sunday, and I don't anticipate seeing him until Monday at the earliest. I've found that I've lowered my expectations of him to a point where my heart is starting to withdraw, and I feel like it might be the beginning of the end for us.

Come to think of it, I suppose that's why the moonbow felt hopeful for me. I've been feeling a constant, low-grade sadness tugging at my heart this past week - I suppose because I miss seeing Bradley, and because he hasn't made the effort he said he would - and I've found myself going over a break-up conversation in my head. Like it's inevitable. I don't think he and I have the same idea of what a relationship means. Which sucks.

We'll see what happens....only time will tell, and it all happens for a reason....

Thighs of Rage

My legs are a-BURNIN this morning. For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to go meet Bradley on the point of Black Sands at 11:30pm Saturday for some night fishing. He had been out there all day, but I wanted to go to the Maui County Fair - pretty fun, mostly just great fair food to eat abundantly - so I decided to hike out and meet him later. It was quite an adventure.

First of all - Black Sands is a public park, and it closes at sunset, so I was dropped off at the road outside, and had to hike into the beach by myself in the middle of the night. Scaaaary. Bradley met me at the beach, and then we hiked the lava rock out to the point. It's really only about half a mile, but it's hairy. And I'm almost glad that I did it in the dark first because if I had been able to see the hazards on the outskirts of my head lamp...I might have freaked out. There is a lot of climbing, loose lava rock, caves, sheer drops, and slippery valleys. It was nuts. But the reward was exceptional - out on that point there is an unfettered view of the sky, and the stars were so breathtaking.

I didn't really sleep much - Bradley and I took turns sleeping in the cot and my beach chair, maybe an hour or two at a time. Not comfortable at all, but still an incredible experience. Because there are caves and hollows in the lava rock, there is an incredible effect with the ebb and flow of the ocean....as the water crashes in and out, the lava rock breathes. The sound is sometimes hollow, sometimes groaning, and even whistling. It's actually very soothing, and really makes you realize that you're surrounded by life.

Didn't catch any fish on this trip either (well, excepting bait fish, and those don't count).

In the early morning hours, I spent a LOT time watching big crabs scurry along the rocks, and playing in the tide pools. The hike back was actually a little harder in the daylight - I helped carry out some of the fishing gear, so I only had one hand to steady myself. Plus the 9am Maui sun is pretty intense, so it was a sweaty hike back. Luckily, Bradley has an extra pair of Tubbies - they are these split toe shoes that are great for fishing in Maui - they are a lifesaver on lava rock. You can't feel any of the sharp edges, and the bottoms are usually this really thick compressed felt, so they grip, even in slippery situations. Plus the split toe helps to keep you from rolling your ankles, which happens all the time on that rocky terrain. I don't think I would have made it without them (and I'm also grateful for my giant feet that allowed me to fit into an old pair of Bradley's).

The hike in and out, the lack of sleep, and the sleeping in a chair left me pretty sore and tired - I was useless yesterday. And my thighs are hurting more today than yesterday. I gotta start using my foam roller, but I'm scared about how much it's going to hurt. I'm feeling old.

Oh yeah, and I got cable on Saturday, so now I'm (unfortunately) keyed into all my old shows that I used to love. I lasted six months with no TV!! Good news is that I hate commercials SO much now that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to stand watching it too much. We'll see. Law & Order is calling...

I'm Four Seasons Pregnant!

That title was just a check to see if my mom was reading this blog. :)

So, the Four Seasons was recently sued by a massage client who was very pregnant - after the massage she ended up with complications in her pregnancy. I'm not sure if there was actual malpractice involved on the part of the therapist, but it doesn't take much to hold them accountable. That's why we have insurance.

John, the head of my massage school, asked me the other day if I would give him permission to pass along my final presentation from class. The paper I wrote was on Pregnancy and Massage. The reason he was asking me - apparently he is good friends with the person who heads up the spa at the Four Season, and he felt that my paper was a very thorough presentation of the contraindications, positioning, and care for practicing pregnancy massage.

There is a chance that my paper will be the new guide for the therapists at the Four Seasons on massage for their pregnant clients! Totally cool.

Holy Voting Deadline!

Um...it completely slipped my mind that I needed to register to vote in Hawaii still. Luckily, my registration has to be postmarked by Monday, so I made it. I can't imagine the concept of not voting for this election. Shnikes!!!

Thanks Megan for posting this video.